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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 9:53 am Post subject: The First Seven Chapters Of ZO My Story |
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CHAPTER 1 New flesh
*crrrz* the radio crakles "hello" *static* "is anyone there?" *crrrz* "we are trapped in a house we have barracaded all doors" *crrrz* "need evac.." *crrz* "help" *here's pounding on the door over the radio* "there..." *loses connetion*
(*_*)--"sir there are non infected (Called free men) in a house three kliks away what should we do?"
[*_*]--"rally the troops and rev up the hummers" *crrz* "were going in!!"
(*_*)--"SIR WE HAVE INBOUND!" *crrz* "SHALL WE OPEN FIRE?"
[*_*]-"Use the 50.cals on the hummers and mow them down"
(Sounds of screaming zombies in the distance then suddenly silence)
They find the door smashed in and a infected feasting on a corpe.
(*_*)-"FIRE!" (more screams) "sir we found one survivor in the closet he claims the scratch on his arm is from when crack in the wood slit his arm"
The doctors check his arm out and find nothing.
They drive off into the distance but miss the figure off a human lurking off in the shadows!
CHAPTER 2. The road to death
The troops are driving back to base when somthing crakles up on the radio *crrz* "Hello commander *cough* I saw that you saved the free men from my *crrz* *crrz* (lose's connetion)
[*_*]--"Damm what happend?". (*_*)--"we lost all connetion we don't know why!" "But who was that guy"
{*_*}--"SIR INBOUND ZOMBIES". [*_*]--"What? Were nowere near the outbreak zone how did they get out here?"
{*_*}--"Wait *Screams are coming from the area* Are they human?" Suddenly the hummer stops *clunk* and the people turn around.
{*_*}--"sir there infected FIRE"
(*_*)--"there everywhere Argg what the...... {*_*}--"CRAP he's dead we have to move now! Commander? COMMANDER!"
*screams from the hummer the trooper walks over to it and finds the saved human eating away on his body*
(*_*)--"CRAP WHAT THE HELL" *Gunfire*
Ten hours later the trooper is standing over his comrades bodys (*_*)--"dear god may these men rest in peace and let no infected harm them" *Picks up a transmission over the radio* "Muhaha you have failed..*crrz* no hope left for you..*crrz* new York *crrz You will find a divice...*crrz* Help to defeat them*crrz* *static* (lose's connection) {*_*}--"Must keep on going forget about comrades"
CHAPTER 3 New York
{~_~}--"ZzzzzZzz.... *BANG* Woah What the... How long have I been asleep? Better see what that bang was"
|*_*|--"Cmon lads GIVE IT TO EM" {*_*}--"Errrm Hello? Is anyone there?"
|^_^|--"SIR WE HAVE A NEW HUMAN FIGHTING WITH US"
{*_*}--"Ermmmm I was from the manhatten Zombie defence group but we went to save Some humans and we lost all of my comrades I'm the only one left.How many are you?"
|*_*|--"We are the New York defence there are quite a lot of us.Over 40 fighting and about 20 medics"
{*_*}--"Have you heard anything about a relic which will defeat the zombies with?" |*_*|-"Yes we have send four teams but they have never come back"
{*_*}-"I will lead a team in. I will need your most elite men and wepons". Two hours later >*_*<--"Sir were ready to go shall we open the doors to the main city?"
CHAPTER 4 The center of the dead
*creak* The door slowly opens.>*_*<--"Sir where are all the zombies?"(*_*)--"I don't know but anyway we will fan out three meter spread don't let anything get past us!"
Ten mins later,>*_*<--"Sir Is that a little Girl just standing there?"(The commander stares at the girl like he he's possesed) >*_*<--"SIR SNAP OUT OF IT! FIRE" *gunfire and the gentle screams of the girl dieing* (Suddenly the radio crakles and the same old voice comes on the line) "You have failed,You have just killed your only hope to get to relic *crrz* now you will perish under the force of my creations the Zombies Now DIE!" (Screams from everywhere a horde of zombies swarms for out of the houses) (*_*)--"WE NEED BACKUP SEND MORE......." *crrrz* *crrzzzzz* (connection lost) [•]--"MUhahahaha MUhahahaha"
CHAPTER 5 HOPE LOST
|*_*|--"UNITS COME IN *crrrz* UNITS! Troops I'm afraid we have lost bravo team and we have no hope in winning this war agains them!"
Random soldier speaks up-"What sir you said they will find it!" |*_*|--"Im sorry men now gear up for the third wave"
"INBOUND WAIT.... It'S BRAVO TEAM OPEN THE GATES!"
(*_*)--"We need to get out of here NOW! Run there are more zombies than ever" (In the background you hear somone shouting "GET OFF ME ARRG")(*_*)-"damm that's the frontal guard dieing WE NEED TO MOVE!"
Captain"All men we are moving out get ammo and run"
(Radio transmission from the zombie guy)*crrrz*" If you leave you will have no chance of winning this war There is no hope for you now you alone know who I am I was one of your colleges that you left at the outbreak 12yrs ago! Then I enslaved the zombies and now they work for me!"
CHAPTER 6 Out of the frying pan
Suddenly The zombies stop,Silence,No movement. [*_*]--"Sir whats happening" {*_*}--"I don't know stay frosty" Suddenly the Zombies speak and say *.*-( Help us Help....) [*_*]-"Should I Engage Them"
{*_*}-"No Do not Engage,This May Be A Trap"
Suddenly They Jerk Back Into Life Again And Start Flailing There Arms Around Wildly Like There Trying To Hit SomeThing But What? [*_*]-"Sir,We Should Get Out Of Here" {*_*}-"No First We Need To Know What They Are Doing" [*_*]-"SIR GETDOWN" As A Zombie Swipes At Sir He Manages To Save His Life.
{*_*}-"Thanks Jackson,Now Let's Get Out Of Here"
[*_*]-"Roger,Wait What's That On Your Back?!"
{*_*}-"What's Wha.......ARG.....What's Happening To Me..URF...Get..O...ut Of Here"
Jackson Runs For His Life As He Hears Blood Curdling Screams Coming From His Old Leader As He Turns Into Something Else.
Jackson Manages To Get To The Surviors Chopper Just As It Takes Off
|*_*|-"JUMP" Jackson Jumps And Just Makes It.
He Has Survived Another Day In This Cold Barron WasteLand But Is This His Last Lifeline,What Happend To Sir? Is He Alive?
Chapter 7 Ain't No Business Like "Snow" Business
Jackson Was Still In The Chopper When Suddenly An Alarm Sounded [*_*]-"What's That!?" Not Even A Second After He Said That Another Alarm Sounded! The Leader Of The Survivors Speaks Up "All Units Were Going In For An Emergency Landing,All This Snow And Sleet Is Messing Up The Rotor And The Stability!" Then The One Of The Blades Snaps Of The Rotor And Flys Into A Nearby Cliff,Now Begins A Fast Decent! "GET OUT,JUMP" Shouts The Pilot "I'LL SLOW HER DOWN"
Jackson And The Men Jump.....Then A Massive Explosion Follows As The Chopper Bites The Dust!
[*_*]-"Ugh Ah That Hurt.Is Anyone Alive?!"
A Group Of Soldiers Speak Up "Jackson! We Though You Were Dead."
[*_*]-"Cant Put A Good Man Down Eh!,Now Where's Sir?"
Sadly The Men Give No Reply For A Moment But Then A Piercing Screech Breaks The Silence.
Then With An Almighty Thud,A Massive Muscular Figure Jumps Down From The Cliff And Lands On Two Of The Soldiers!
Jackson Struggles To His Feet,Grabs His Rifle And The Last Soldier And They Sprint Away Only To Find A Dead End...They See They Have No Hope And Start To Fire Away....
CH8 IS OUT ON CRISTMAS!!
_________________ It Is My Drug.....
I Need It To Help Me......
I Need It.. |
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Amy Established Forum User
Joined: 25 Jun 2010 Posts: 89
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:24 am Post subject: |
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Not bad. I don't want to be a critic, but isn't it a bit short for chapters? It's pretty good btw.. Well, I got to go map make now, so ttyl
-Amy _________________ I'm back! |
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:27 am Post subject: |
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I Do These On Notes So They Gotta Be Short _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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Mithoz Forum Conqueror
Joined: 09 Mar 2010 Posts: 2429 Location: Down under
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:55 am Post subject: |
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If you want me to be critical of your work just tell me
But a good and interesting story, slighty hard to follow cos your storyline is jumping everywhere.
And grammar might need fixing. Eg. 2nd chpter it's "their" instead of there.
But that's me been picky _________________ ~van java Mod~
The van javas: berly, val, mole, brian, mat, wish, rully, kou, ducati, blake, warkilla, kempa, dealer, morph. |
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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The Intro Of The Last Troops Jackson And Weaver Takes The Storyline Lower And Focuses In Pure Action As It Hopefully Starts To Show In CH8
and CH9 _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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ducati848 Established Forum User
Joined: 18 Apr 2010 Posts: 98 Location: Italy rome But proud Fillipino
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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Cant wait ...
_________________ Stay on top, but remain in the underground..
Duc Van Java/Ducati848/Lstexille
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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FAA U Get The Sneak Peek Of CH9 When I've Finished It =D _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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DaJollyRoger Mega-Poster
Joined: 19 May 2010 Posts: 478 Location: In a galaxy far far away...
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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Ducati Gets A Free Preview Do U Want One? _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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Post Here If u want Free Updates And Preview Letter Though Your PM's On This Forum THREE SPOTS LEFT First Three Get It _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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DaJollyRoger Mega-Poster
Joined: 19 May 2010 Posts: 478 Location: In a galaxy far far away...
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 1:23 am Post subject: |
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TWO SPOTS LEFT Djr I Will Start Them After Cristmas _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 1:39 am Post subject: |
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Here's CH8
Chapter 8 Blood Red
Jackson And The Last Soldier Called Weaver Were Firing Away At The Heavy Zombie When Jackson Shouts Out "Weaver,Look A Rope! Get Up I'll Hold Him Off For The Time Being!" Weaver Looks Up And Starts To Climb Up The Rope As He Gets To The Top He Shouts "Jackson,Get Up 'ere Quick"
Jackson Starts Climbing As A Rock Thrown By The Heavy Narrowly Misses Him.He Gets Up Just As The Heavy Pulls The Rope Down. [*_*]-"Dam That Was Close,Now What's This" Jackson Points To A Deep Dark Hole And Starts Walking In To It,Weaver Close Behind.......They Switch On There Flashlight's Only To Reveal A Blood Redness Staining The Walls Of The Cave As They Press On They Find The Path Splits Into Two [*_*]-"We Can't Split Up It's Too Dangerous We'll Take The Right Path" They Walk Carefully Down The Path..... _________________ It Is My Drug.....
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lisida19 Mega-Poster
Joined: 04 Nov 2009 Posts: 435 Location: Dildo, NF, Canada
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:02 am Post subject: |
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fracking law deletimg my posts I was the first!!! _________________ |[~AzW~]|person |
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[PYRO] Critikal Very Active User
Joined: 19 Dec 2010 Posts: 225 Location: Why Do You Wanna Know!
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 9:24 am Post subject: |
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ONE SPOT LEFT Lisida And Djr Have Got The First To _________________ It Is My Drug.....
I Need It To Help Me......
I Need It.. |
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